Thankful Thursdays
The month of November I will be Featuring Thankful Thursday in honor of Thanksgiving because its nice to give thanks. Giving thanks brings positive thoughts in our lives and I like positive... So Today I'm going to start off with what I am THE MOST thankful for and that is my son, Vito. Read along and you'll see why. This gets pretty personal but it shows you that EVERYONE has a different story and that EVERYONE has struggles whether it be emotional, financial, psychological, spiritual, physical, healthful... whatever. In this case, this person of whom I am giving thanks for falls into healing all the categories I have mentioned!
Today I am thankful about Vito. Of allllll the things that I could be
Thankful for, this little Monster filled with many many hyperactive,
talkative, non-sense ideas... is not only a little annoying bug that
makes noise around me... He is something that I STARTED. I MADE. I
CREATED HiM. He lived inside of me, he ate the food I ate, he drank the
milk I provided for him, he reaches his arms out to ME for comfort. I
used to think that it wasn't fair that I became a mom because I wasn't
ready for it... I was mad at my self for not making a smarter decision.
Little did I know, that careless moment I had was the start of a new
beginning for me. I was addicted to alcohol, I didn't have direction in
life... I was just living in the moment and not looking neither back nor
forward. I was upset because things didn't work out the way I wanted
them to. I wanted my son to live the life that I did. I grew up with two
parents that loved each other and sacrificed EVERYTHiNG for us. When I
was pregnant, I did just that. My partner... He didn't have a CLUE on what to do. He
blamed his "being scared of fatherhood" feeling as an excuse to drink.
He wasn't there for me when I was alone and pregnant far from my family.
When I had Vito, this life continued... I was trying to grow up still
and my partner was still acting like he was 21 years old. I was
miserable and I didn't resent Vito but I wondered how things would be if
my life had taken a different direction.
Things
got BAD with alocholism.. (not for me) and alcohol took over one of our
family members life and I made the choice to move back home before my son could remember this. When I moved
back home, I felt like I had failed my family. I felt like Vito's life
was going to change and I was sad that he would not grow up the way that
I did; with 2 loving parents side-by-side. Every time I received a
drunken suicidal phone call, my day would be ruined and I would
inadvertently take it out on Vito. It was and has been a hard time for
me because not only would an adult stress me out but I was also dealing
with a toddler. I thought things couldn't get worse...
I was going through a custody battle, you might say... and the
judge decided that for the sake of my son he would be able to spend ONE
WHOLE WEEK with his dad every month until he started Pre-K. So yes, I
was VERY WORRiED that my son was going to be in unpredictable hands. But
another part of me was saying... I'm going to have some time for
SOPHi.... Being a single mom is HARD, especially when I was in such a
financial rut at the time.
The
very first week that he left, I truly felt like I was Sophi again but
that was a problem. I woke up late, I didn't workout, I lounged around, I
didn't take my business seriously, I slept late, I didn't clean.... I
DID NOTHING. I was lost. I had no direction, no discipline, no
time-line, nothing.... I didn't have to eat at a certain time for the
sake of a little dude's health. I didn't have to wake up to take someone
to school. I didn't have to work hard and fast before picking Vito up
and having him around. I didn't have to go to sleep early to wake up
early to work out before I woke up my Monster for school. I didn't have
to do SQUAT. I was the old Sophi again for sure... but I didn't know how
to handle it.
You see.... this whole time I had been wondering if my
careless decision had been a huge mistake but it wasn't. DESTiNY made me
a mom because I needed to be a mom to grow up. I needed to be a mom to
feel REAL LOVE. I needed to be a mom to be ambitious and have a reason
to live. I NEED ViTO and Vito needs ME.
Family
or no family, WE are a family. Me, Vito and my cat, Lita... we will
travel together where ever we go live because we all need each other and if
we lived with anyone else, it just wouldn't be life.
So
now when he leaves me to be with his dad... I get scared because to be
honest with you, I don't like the old Sophi anymore! I'm am now, Sophia
San Roman. MOMtreprenuer. A Certified Chef. a MOM BOSS. Now I have
dreams, goals, plans... I look forward to the future all while taking
advantage of the present. Because of Vito, my life will never be the
same and that's awesome!! Good riddance to that life. My life is better
with Vito.
I am thankful for my son. The Light at the end of a dark tunnel.
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